tattletales and crybabies

as of this week i am back to the world of being a substitute teacher. every day brings something new and unexpected. after doing a lot of elementary school, i was hoping to try out the older kids and see if the classroom environment was a little more mature and discipline was not as needed. but so far, i haven't picked up any middle or high school jobs...just lots and lots of the little ones. and i typically LOVE the little ones...but a class full of 20-something of them and it seems like i'm surrounded by...
...tattletales and crybabies. in the moment, i usually just want to laugh because it's pretty humorous. but i've been stumped many times with how to respond professionally, and as a good teacher would.

for example (real live situations from just today):
- "he said i was cutting and i wasn't cutting" cries the little boy from under the desk (really? that brings on tears? all i could think of to say was - "stand at the back of the line and just don't talk to that boy. come on, get out from under the desk. you'll be ok." note: he cried about 3 more things throughout the afternoon)
- "my finger really hurts. i need to go to the nurse" cries the boy who has misbehaved ALL day (your finger? how did you hurt your finger doing a math worksheet?! i didn't let him go. is that so mean? what if there was something serious with his finger...? i mean, who knows.)
- "he keeps getting up and policing around. it's not his job to be the police" tattles multiple kids at the same time...who have also gotten up to tell on him. (first it makes me laugh that they say "policing around". the kid was bossy and trying to maintain order. it was actually helping me. but, i had to stick to the rules - stay in your seat. actually, i was more annoyed with the tattlers than the "policeman."

ok, so i realize this makes it look like i don't like to be with kids. actually, i LOVE this age! they were 1st graders and they're so cute and really funny when you get to have a conversation with them! but getting them to listen, follow rules and do their school work (when you're just the sub, not the real teacher) is HARD!

but i'll end with a couple of cute things some of them said today. these are the moments that remind me that i love kids and that help me get through the day :)
* at recess: "they made me laugh so hard i peed in my pants" says a little boy, with absolutely no embarassment or shame. it was just a matter of fact! poor guy didn't have a change of clothes
* a very blonde little girl telling me about her mom: "she has brown eyes and brown hair. my dad says i got my blonde hair, my prettiness, and my tomboyishness from him. he says all i got from my mom is a bad attitude. (pause) i guess that's a joke. i don't know."
* "teacher, when i first saw you today i thought you were mean. but really, you're nice." (not really sure how to take that one. i think he meant it as a compliment...i think.)